I see a psych tomorrow to get back on meds now that I’m sober.

Bipolar disorder is not something that fades away, or can be treated intermittently. Rather, it is a condition that will worsen with time, and brings only chaos, and death when ignored.

I carry my CPTSD symptoms with the nightmares they bring, the panic that they cause, and the memories I can’t escape with no matter how much healing has taken place.

Fear and grief still run through my thoughts, and take hold of my mind even when I know I am safe.

But tomorrow I see the doctor. Tomorrow I will be on meds again. I relapsed two years ago after trying so hard to be okay, and I destroyed everything I was trying to build.

This time will be different.

285 days.

October it seems,

is still for healing.