itmightnotbeok

Growing Giving up

I don’t think my anger has ever been so unjustified as it has been this season.
Mere mention of the current holiday has made me visibly agitated, and the bitterness I feel inside my chest when I’m reminded of it, I have never experienced until this year. I found myself right up until the kids woke up this morning, wishing I could somehow just sleep through it. That I could bypass the songs, the commercials, the conversations, the lights, the excitement so many people shared, until the bleakness of winter was all that anyone had left.

I don’t know what or where the root of the anger I feel towards it is. It’s not a time of year that I have a strong emotional connection to or deep rooted pain in. So why have I been nauseous for two months?

Either way, it’s over. And the promise of the remaining months of darkness, death and lonelines, for some reason, this year, feels like relief.